I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
