Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
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