My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
