I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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