Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
