Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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