So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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