Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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