East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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