so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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