It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
