You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
