your parents love me but you hate me
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
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