stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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