i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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