i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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