You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
