What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
