There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
thus making me awesome and them whores
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
