Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Randomize
