and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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