I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
