i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Randomize
