Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
