if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
