Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
