Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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