im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Randomize
