So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
