Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
