just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
