Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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