could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
