I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
