You don't have asthma, your pregnant
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
