Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
