When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
