I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
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