Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Panties = found
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
