we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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