Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
