12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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