why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
