yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
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