i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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