i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
