He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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