I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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