Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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