I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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