After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
