...so i touched it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Found the puke drawer
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
