oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
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He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
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I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
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