I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
