forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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