maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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