I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Randomize
