i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
