Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
