Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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