i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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