then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
